I can feel the tension and inexorable approach of
the beginning. After spending five months in Kyiv, my heart is aching
when I consider my rapidly approaching departure date, because I
feel as if I am just starting. Of course, I have learned an incredible
amount over the course of this semester, as well as taught, served,
participated in, witnessed, and completed an excitingly wide variety
of events, classes, activities and projects. However, because most
of these have now been completed, all I can think about it the approaching
beginning.
When I arrived in Kyiv in July, I gawked out the taxi window at
the alien symbols lighting the storefronts; I listened to stories
about the history of the UEC, of ICU, of Nivky Church, other churches,
and so many other things with fascination and ignorance; I met with
Chris to determine my fall schedule, and we discussed various possibilities
and ideas while I had no image, no definition in my head, only titles,
descriptions and advice having no solid foundations in my sea of
total ignorance.
I have learned, though. This past month Scott and Lisa Owings visited,
and I shocked myself with my ability to show them around the city,
my city, and tell a little bit about its history and culture. As
we discussed what classes to offer in Nivky Church’s Study
Center next semester, I had definite opinions and reasons for my
thoughts. I decided to teach two sections of Composition One at
International Christian University next semester, classes composed
entirely of freshman, and attempt to reach out to them and invite
them into the warm folds of the UEC and the church communities.
Knowing I will have this relationship on which to build, and seeing
the questioning, seeking students in the weekly Soup Group, my cell,
and the UEC, I determined to facilitate a small group study of C.S.
Lewis’ Mere Christianity with this younger generation. A sense
of ownership towards the UEC has rooted itself deeply within me,
and I actually have my own opinions about its operation and visions
for its future founded on experience.
After five months, I look back and wonder at all that has now ended.
I finished a semester of teaching my first college course with a
final exam and hours of grading. One Saturday night, instead of
student night, I presented a lecture on questions of infinity in
science and religion, summarizing 12 weeks of teaching. With a discussion
of reality and physical life as described by Lewis in The Great
Divorce and The Screwtape Letters, we brought our book discussion
to a close. The towering stacks of books in the library’s
cramped staff room finally dispersed to their respective shelves
as the library’s “barcoding” and LAMP projects
neared completion.
However, this backward vision does not grant me a sense of history
or completion; it excites within me a perspective of continuation
and momentum. I ended the science lecture with the question, “If
there is a God of some kind, who is He and how does He relate to
humankind?” Adding that next semester, Sergiy and I would
be leading a Study Center course on world religions to see how peoples
all over the world and throughout history have answered this question.
Monday night, my idea to teach Lewis’ Till We Have Faces next
semester received enthusiastic approval. Scott and Lisa arrived
in Kyiv with four enormous bags of books and CD’s to be processed
and “barcoded” and added to the library’s collection.
We also received emails from various groups telling us that their
Harvest of Books contributions were on their way to Kyiv via ship.
As I return home for Christmas, eager to see and experience family
and friends, I also have many other purposes. Planning to promote
the internship for the UEC, continue facilitating the Harvest of
Books, and share with as many people as possible the power and service
of the ministry here, I already know that my extended stay in Nashville
will still leave me hungering to return. The Friday night that Scott
and Lisa were here, we hosted a appreciatory feast for the various
cell leaders of the church. A time of wonderful food, reflection
and sharing about the cells, and words of encouragement from Scott
and Chris, the night overwhelmed me with a current of latent power
and smoldering fire. Hearing Chris tell how he had told the first
cell group, composed of four people, that someday they would multiply
and form other cells, and then those cells too would multiply in
branches of a unified tree, and then seeing the 25 passionate faces
of the leaders of numerous cells, I could physically sense the faithfulness
of God in the church’s past. A past, though, that ignited
the flame of the present, the beginning point of the future.
Burning more and more vigorously within me, this flame is the hesitation
in my holiday return. My impulsive, and at times obsessive, nature
eagerly anticipates seizing this present and striding forward with
it in hand. Will my return cause it to flicker? Will my departure
set me back to the past, unable to see this beginning as clearly
as I do now, still seeking those foundations on which to stand?
In late December I journeyed to Budapest for a long weekend to visit
a couple of college friends. Relishing a well-timed and refreshing
vacation in that gorgeous combination of cities, I, nevertheless,
constantly wondered what was happening in Kyiv. Excitedly, I tried
to tell my friends about my work, the UEC, my classes, and everything
else, but, deep down I also realized they would never really understand.
Moreover, talking about it only incensed my desire to return.
After
five months, I do not feel as if I have completed something or even
as if I am ‘halfway done.’ The past months stack up
beneath me as a solid foundation on which to stand. I can see and
sense the momentum now, and understand more tangibly how I fit into
this image. The conclusions of each of the routine activities in
my life, has allowed me to see the foundation on which they rested
more clearly. This fiery foundation has not been quenched by their
cessation; it remains ablaze, fed by five months of coming to understand
this place and the ministry here. The present inferno seethes and
burns, anticipating what is to come. As I conclude my first period
here, its heat has vividly confronted me. Looking back on my time
here, I can see this foundation waiting to be carried into the future.
I am aflame in the present, eagerly awaiting the beginning.